$86,400.00 - The Bank of Time

This post is not original but I do not know where it came from.  It came to me via an email and I really wanted to share the message it contains.

Imagine that you had won the following prize in a contest.

Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400.00 in your private account entirely for your use. However, this prize had rules attached to it.

The first set of Rules:

1. Everything that you didn't spend during the day would be taken away from you.
2. You may not simply transfer money into some other account.
3. You may only spend it.

Each morning the bank opens your account with another $86,400.00 for the day.

The second set of Rules:

1. The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say, "it's over, the game is over"
2. It can close your account and you will not receive a new one.

What would you personally do?  You would buy anything and everything you wanted, right? Not only for yourself but for all the peple you love, right?  Even for people you don't know, because you couldn't possibly spent it all on yourself, right?  You would try to spend every cent, and use it all, right?

ACTUALLY THIS GAME IS REALITY!  Each of us is in possession of such a "magical" bank.  We just can't seem to see it.  THE MAGICAL BANK IS TIME! 

Each morning we receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life, and when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is NOT credited to us.  What we haven't lived up that day is forever lost.  Yesterday is gone forever.  Each morning the acount is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your acount at any time.......WITHOUT WARNING.

What will you do with your 86,400 seconds?  Aren't they worth so much more than the same amount in dollars?  Think about that, and always think of this:
Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you think.  Take care of yourself, and enjoy life!  LIVE LAUGH AND LOVE MORE!  And make it a GREAT day!

Is Procrastination Holding You Back?

Procrastination is probably the number one reason why people "fail".  Fail to achieve what they want, fail to get what they want, fail to be what they want.  But WHY do people procrastinate?  They are generally putting off something that they find too hard, too unpalatable to them, or too scarey!

Sometimes we procrastinate because of something to do with the task at hand.  It might seem too threatening, too difficult, too boring, impossible to finish or a waste of time.  Perhaps we don't quite know where to start, or don't want to ask for assistance from someone for those aspects we are unsure about.  Perhaps it seems like such a big job that we feel we will never complete it so why bother starting, or perhaps it just simply doesn't appeal to us and therefore seems like a waste of our time.

Sometimes our procrastination is a factor of who we are! Perhaps we suffer from perfectionism and until we feel we can undertake the task to perfection we put off doing it at all.  I have a friend who is a brilliant painter and writer and yet does neither, the work just never meets his very high expectations of himself and so he doesn't start.  Perhaps we thrive on adrenalin.  Many of us will have been "last minute" students who do their assignments the night before they are due.  I myself undertook a 10,000 word dissertation for my degree, scrapping everything I had done on the last night it was due and starting again.  This aspect is further exaccerbated if we have done this successfully in the past, finding that we have great success or get good marks acting at the last minute.  And then again many of us will lack self confidence and so put off things we are unsure about perhaps internalizing all our past failures believing that we were the factor of the failure and that another would have had success, or externalizing the positives and believing that any successes we have had are actually the result of other factors and not essentially our own work.

Regardless what the reasons, the truth is, if the task has appeared on our to do list and we have asked ourselves "do I really need to do this thing" and it has remained there, then eventually we must undertake to do it.  Until we do, the task continues to take up valuable space in our head and actually avoiding the task will over time, take up more time and energy than the doing of the task itself!

We've all procrastinated at some point.  The trick is to overcome what holds us back.  So what is the antidote.  It's really very simple.  MAKE A DECISION.  Then START!  TAKE ACTION!  One small step at a time.  Break the task down into bits we feel we can achieve and just simply begin.  There quite simply is no other way. If we need assistance, identify who and where we can get it, that in itself is a step, an achievement, it also helps make the task seems achievable, surmountable.

Successful people do the things others find hard or unpalatable to do.  Successful people don't procrastinate!  So, if you are not having the success in your life that you would like to have, take an inventory. Are there things that have been sitting on your to do list for too long?!  Things that you are avoiding!  Decide if you really need to do them.  If you don't then simply take it off your list and forget it all together.  If you do, make a list of the things you have been procrastinating over.  Next to each one, identify why you have been avoiding the task or procrastinating over it!  You may have to do some soul searching to get to the bottom of this, but it is worth taking the time and being very honest with yourself.  This will help you to identify the first step you need to take to overcome your procrastination (perhaps seek help from another, perhaps take steps to raise your self confidence etc)

Once you have done this, next to each task/item, write down 3 things that are essential for you to do to get the task done.  Do the easiest one first.  The start will give you some momentum, and a sense of achievement.  It will reduce the size of the task because after all, mostly the size of it, has been created entirely in your head.  Once you have done this, you will find continuing to complete the task so much easier.  Once you have done this with one of the areas you have been procrastinating in, you will find it far easier to tackle the next.  If you continue to do it, taking action will become a habit, and avoidance and procrastination will become a thing of the past and your life and success will take a significant turn for the better.  But the bottom line is YOU and MAKING A START.   So what have you been procrastinating over?

The Importance of Self-Esteem

No doubt many will read the title of this post and say "well yeah" and that's great!  But what does it really mean?  We can all understand how empowering it is to have good self esteem and how that then flows on to how we treat others and the planet in general.  However, I never understood it so fully as I do now, until I was blessed with children and had the opportunity to watch, 3 very different individuals, growing within the same environment, and to make some really important connections or BFO's (blinding flashes of the obvious).

We are often led to believe that children come into this world a blank slate, ready to be written upon so to speak. But those of you who have had children and really watched those babes, know that's a long way from the truth!  They are their own little people from the very beginning - sure it may be a very basic foundation of who they are that they come into this world with, but it is there nevertheless, and to truly help them evolve into the amazing individuals they came here to be, it is our job as parents to help them navigate their way through this world, with their own authenticity, originality, integrity and importantly their self esteem in tact.
We do our best as parents but as a "learn as you go" profession, we do make mistakes.  And I have noticed when I make those mistakes just what the effect is on my children's self esteem.  (The good news is, if you notice you can fix it!  Kids don't hold grudges naturally, this is something they learn, so if you can fess up and change your mistake, they'll move on quickly without any lasting harm to their self esteem.)

Have you ever noticed with your kids (those who have them), that if you pick them up on "inappropriate" behaviour in a negative way, how that often leads to even more "inappropriate" behaviour, but if you guide them gently and supportively in their behaviour, it's a total non-issue, and they can even thrive on it?
By way of example, I look after a friend's child in the afternoon once a week, and when we do this my 5 year old gets very excited!  He becomes the "big kid" amongst the 4 children I have at that time having just started kinder, and well to put it bluntly, in his excitement and exhuberance he can get kind of cocky and bossy, telling the other kids what to play and how to play it.  The first week this happened I was shocked and not overly impressed and found myself telling him off and expressing what he should do instead with his friends (in hindsight, getting cocky and bossy myself, about him).  Well that was a disaster!  He got worse and started acting out in other ways as well.  You see I had embarrassed him in front of the others, and shaken his confidence in his ability to navigate his own friendships and by making him feel bad about himself (damaging his self esteem, and dampening his natural enthusiasm and exhuberance) I'd made him feel WRONG as a person and his behaviour actually got worse.

The second week this arrangement took place, I'd had a whole week to think about how to handle the situation should it occur again because I certainly don't want what I do with my kids to lead to "worse" behaviour, poor self-esteem, dampened enthusiasm for life and teaching them how NOT to function best in this world.  Naturally enough the same situation arose with him laying down the playing rules for all, and the other kids feeling very over it to say the least.  This time, I gently pulled him aside, reminded him of what a great friend he is, but suggested he just noticed how the other kids were finding him, behaving towards him and what they were saying and asked him to reflect on how he likes to be treated.  Now of course, I didn't say it like that to a 5 year old exactly and you might think someone so small couldn't understand the concepts, but never underestimate your children, they are a amazing!  Well the result too was amazing!  Instead of spiralling into rebellious behaviour and being cross at all around him, he became Mr Incredible.  His behaviour became cooperative, he was gentle with the kids, guiding them, helpful a real treasure really. With self esteem in tact, his positive natural light could shine and the best in him came forth.

We all know this if we think back, we can remember how we react when we feel bad about a situation versus when we feel good. So in the words of the great Wayne Dyer, "inspire people by helping them to see themselves as better than they are".  When we do that we help them shine the light in the world that they are uniquely here to bring.

Limiting Beliefs II - what are your beliefs about others?

The unsettling thing about limiting beliefs is that they not only limit us but they also limit those around us.  Very often those we love most.  If you start saying about your child at 6 months of age that he is a difficult baby (maybe he has reflux and is not a good sleeper), the odds are against him because it is most likely he will grow up with you believing he is a troublesome 2 year old, a challenging preschooler, and perhaps even an out of control teenager.  The question we could never know that answer to, is how much of that result was because of your belief about him and how much would have happened if you'd been able to keep the belief that he was not a difficult baby but a baby with a difficulty (ie., reflux).  Herein lies the problem with generalizations!

I had a friend who had twin boys, and he often complained that he was always trying to balance people's comments about the twins.  He would get apparently harmless questions about "Which one is the quiet one?" "Which one is the curious one?" "Which one is the cheerful one?"  And he found himself fielding these questions with answers like "Neither" or "Both, depends on the day".  He was painfully aware that labelling or generalizing about a person in an ongoing way, can not only create a permanent belief that we may then hold to be a truth, but can also, particularly in the case of children, become reality (as with the example in my previous post)

As parents, I believe it is not our job to tell the child how they are, but to help them discover WHO they are!  I recently caught myself believing my little boy is "full on" which was my way of saying that he sometimes loses control, gets over excited or even angry.  Well guess what I discovered?  That is what 4 and 5 year old children do!  And I would challenge even adults to consider whether or not they sometimes lose control (like being on a diet and having that piece of birthday cake anyway).  I now recognise that he is just being what he is - a small boy and I don't attempt to define it in any way.

So, think about what your beliefs of your children, your family, your spouse and even your friends are.  Are they generalizations that you have chosen to focus on?  Are they helping the development of the person, or the relationship, or are they hindering it?  If it isn't helpful to anyone, change the belief.  It'll take focus but is truly worth the effort.

We need to BELIEVE the best even when faced with less than this, and focus on the positives in every situation since what we focus on we get more of.  When focusing on children this will help them create a better belief and life for themselves, and for adults it will help them to be better in themselves.  People generally live up (or down) to our belief in them.  For ourselves, our loved ones and those around us to be successful, we must BELIEVE the BEST (and acknowledge that sometimes we must also tolerate the worst).

Limiting Beliefs - what are your beliefs about yourself?

A belief is nothing more than a feeling of certainty about what something means.  It may or may not be true, our mind doesn't care.  They can be conscious or unconscious but it is very important to get a clear handle on what our own beliefs are because they totally control our behaviour towards everything and everyone.

Many, in fact I would suggest almost all, of our beliefs are bestowed upon us by our family, friends and culture and often they are so pervasive that it is difficult to identify it as a belief because it has so much been a part of our lives and our thinking that it FEELS like a fact. It is important to remember that these beliefs are given to us most often by loved ones with the best intentions for us.  Why is it important to remember this?  Because being successful in our lives requires us to be accountable and we are not being accountable if we are looking for others to blame for our current circumstances.  If we are adults, then we must take the lion share of responsibility about where we are at, what we believe and how we behave and act.  It is never too late to start, great gains can be made in a short time and the results can be astounding.

In order to understand what our beliefs are however, it can be very helpful to identify where they came from, not for the purpose of blame but for the purpose of making change!

As mature adults, my sister and I were sitting around a Christmas table with my mother and other family members reminiscing about childhood days when we apparently horrified our mother.  This is how it came about.

When my sister and I were both small (probably from the age of about 3 and 4) my sister was always told that she was "the nice one" and I was always told I was "the smart one".  Now in actual fact and with the benefit of hindsight and maturity I can see that neither of those statements actually means much because both "nice" and "smart" are such vague and subjective terms, but to two small children they made a huge impression.  What our parents did not realise, was that by telling my sister that she was "the nice one", they were also telling me (as far as both my sister and I were concerned) that I was NOT the nice one.  Conversely, by telling me that I was "the smart one", they were also telling my sister that she was NOT the smart one.  We both grew up believing these statements to be true about ourselves with the result that my sister dropped out of high school at her earliest convenience (I think aged 16) and I was forever in all sorts of trouble with any identifiable form of authority which was all the more frustrating for the authority figures because despite it I continued to do well at school.  More to the point, even at age 21, when I first moved into a share arrangement, I warned my new flatmates that I was "difficult to live with" (my grown up and modified version of "I am not nice").  Imagine my shock when they got back to me a few weeks later laughing and saying they couldn't believe I thought that let alone said it!

Neither my sister or I had ever discussed these beliefs until that Christmas meal but we were both adament and clear that we had always had the same unspoken understanding; Melly was the nice but not so smart one, and I was the smart but not so nice one.  My mother was horrified for two reasons.  Firstly, she had probably never intended the implication that came about in reverse for each of us, and secondly, that we were both so clear about these beliefs, that we had made them into fact.

Now the truth is that my sister is sharp as a tack with anything of any interest to her whatsoever, and I am perfectly capable of being nice, but even now 35 years down the track, in challenging times, it can take work not to slip back into such an ingrained belief.

Some common areas for limiting beliefs can be:

• Money (perhaps "rich people made their money by ripping others off")
• Relationships (perhaps "she won't like me if I speak my truth")
• Health (perhaps "I'm not fat I'm just big boned)
• Career (perhaps "all the women in our family have been nurses")
• Spirituality or Religion (depending on what's your thing)
• Personality (as with mine - nice, not nice; smart, not smart)

Think about what your beliefs are.  Where did they come from?  Are they consistent with what you truly believe yourself?  Write them down and identify those which are serving you and helping you to create your life the way you want it and on your terms, and those beliefs which are actually getting in your way (or serving you in a way that meets some need you have but which actually also prevents your success) such as "it's not my fault I'm not nice, I was taught to believe that all my life".  With those that are not serving you, it's time to create a new belief.

The past does not necessarily equal the future and it is through our beliefs that we can change it's course.  One of the best ways to change our limiting beliefs it to undertake a course in self improvement or personal development. This takes time and persistence because it is much harder to change our beliefs as adults than it is to form them as children.  This is important for two reasons, one is that we can recognise and appreciate the work required to "get out of our own way" or learn a new set of beliefs and get our own limiting beliefs out of our way of success as adults but also because as parents it tells us how crucial our role as leader and guide is in influencing the little life entrusted to us.

Please share your experiences, you might be amazed at how many people can benefit from your story!

Teaching Kids Self Belief

Unfortunately in our society, we are taught far more to "be careful, realistic, rational, logical, sensible, etc - all very left brain dominated activities, than we are to have a dream, hold the belief, and take the bold steps necessary to see it come to fruition.  As a parent, I totally understand how this happens.  We don't want to see our children hurt (either physically by being too daring, or emotionally by being too "different") so we can tend to fill them full of warnings; so much so that they lose the essence of their true selves and their sense of belief in themselves.  It happens subtly and creeps in even when we are wary of doing so.

By way of example, my husband and son were having an ongoing debate (which as it progressed was getting more intense).  My then 4 year old son, who had already broken his arm, once jumping off a bed, aged 3, once again wanted to jump off something; this time something a little higher and more challenging.  My husband was concerned and urging him to get down before he hurt himself and my son was adamant he wouldn't hurt himself.  After listening to the banter in the background (but getting louder) for about half an hour I went to investigate.

My son addressed me and explained he wanted to jump off the work bench but that dad didn’t want him to.  Trying to ensure that I didn’t undermine what dad was trying to impress upon him, I reminded my son that we loved him very much and therefore wanted to keep him safe.  I also reminded him that he had previously injured himself jumping off things and this was probably why dad didn’t want him to launch himself off the bench.  Now not being a silly kid he nodded his head and gave this some real consideration before saying,

“Mum, if I jump off here will I hurt myself?”  Of course this is a trick question because the reality is actually anyone’s guess and there are so many chance variables involved it is truly impossible to tell.  However, it wasn’t a particularly high bench (probably exactly the sort of thing I would have done as a kid) and I thought he was probably in a better position to understand his own physical ability than I was so I said to him,

“Well, there’s a chance you will hurt yourself, and there’s a chance you won’t.  You need to think about how you feel about it and how important it is to you before you decide whether to jump off or not.”  This might seem like a lot for a little kid to take in but you would be amazed how well kids can think if you give them the chance.  After a moment’s pause he nodded and said,

“I wanna do it and I think I can”.

“Ok then” I said.  He jumped, no injury, jumped two more times and was over it.  He had a sense of achievement and success, he also had a sense of self belief and trust and the banter was over with (thank God!).

Of course with children there will be many times when we have to think for them because life experience tells us they are putting themselves in danger which is unacceptably high and as a responsible parent we simply cannot allow it.  However, we must be careful to pick those times very carefully.  If we do it all the time, we kill their sense of belief in themselves their sense of capability, and dramatically limit their thinking, often for the rest of their lives.

Those of us who have spent time and energy, undoing the best meaning advice of friends and family trying to “get back to ourselves”, our core essence and  to achieve those dreams that got locked up inside us as kids can truly appreciate the importance of allowing latitude where we can.  So next time you hear a sentence starting with “Be” coming from your lips, just check how necessary your intervention really is so that we can allow our children to flourish as richly and expansively as ever they can.

The Power of Belief and the company you keep.

"Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I shall have the belief that I can do it. I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I may not have it at the beginning."  -  Mahatma Gandhi


A belief is nothing more than a feeling of certainty about what something means.  It may or may not be true, our mind doesn't care.  Beliefs can be conscious or unconscious but it is very important to get a clear handle on what our own beliefs are because they totally control our behaviour.  Thus it is impossible to overstate the importance of belief, particularly in oneself and what one wants to do.  Beliefs about ourselves are like that of the placebo effect only in digital, high definition stereo, because they subtly influence every area of our lives.

Many of us will be familiar with Tony Robbins' "firewalks" where Tony shows ordinary people how to do extraordinary things through the power of belief.  We may also know people (or have been one) who aren't hurt until they see the blood and then faint immediately upon the appearance of even a trickle of that rich red liquid.

But beliefs not only effect ourselves (and we will look at these in a bit more detail in future posts), they also carry with them a vibration that can be picked up by others around you, so that without words, you can influence someone or something with a belief you hold without even knowing or intending to - if you believe it strongly enough.  Conversely you can also be influenced by the beliefs of others around you without necessarily being aware of it.

As kids my sister and I were avid horse riders.  Her horse was frightenend of water, and always refused water jumps while my horse couldn't wait to get in.  At a cross country event one day we switched horses for the day, a bit of a dare and an opportunity to expand our skills.  In the midst of the course with adrenalin pumping we obviously both forgot to some degree which horse we were on.  It was the one and only time my horse ever refused a water jump and also the one and only time her horse ever went straight in.  Our respective beliefs about what would occur at the water jump became the reality in spite of all past experience of each of the horses.  This flow on is equally true with people.

Therefore, if you are wanting to find the secret of life success, however you define it, it is important to surround yourself (where possible) with people who believe both in their own and your ability to succeed.  Find a community of support personnel who will help you maintain your belief in yourself in challenging times and who want to help you improve yourself and be the best you can be while you help them do the same.  You don't even have to be heading in the same direction, it is the mutual support and belief that is important.

People who truly find the secret of life, successful people and entrepreneurs in any field, believe in themselves, believe in their vision of what is possible and believe in the capacity of others to do the same - that is what makes it so in their lives.  Can you use your beliefs to make it so in yours?