Limiting Beliefs - what are your beliefs about yourself?

A belief is nothing more than a feeling of certainty about what something means.  It may or may not be true, our mind doesn't care.  They can be conscious or unconscious but it is very important to get a clear handle on what our own beliefs are because they totally control our behaviour towards everything and everyone.

Many, in fact I would suggest almost all, of our beliefs are bestowed upon us by our family, friends and culture and often they are so pervasive that it is difficult to identify it as a belief because it has so much been a part of our lives and our thinking that it FEELS like a fact. It is important to remember that these beliefs are given to us most often by loved ones with the best intentions for us.  Why is it important to remember this?  Because being successful in our lives requires us to be accountable and we are not being accountable if we are looking for others to blame for our current circumstances.  If we are adults, then we must take the lion share of responsibility about where we are at, what we believe and how we behave and act.  It is never too late to start, great gains can be made in a short time and the results can be astounding.

In order to understand what our beliefs are however, it can be very helpful to identify where they came from, not for the purpose of blame but for the purpose of making change!

As mature adults, my sister and I were sitting around a Christmas table with my mother and other family members reminiscing about childhood days when we apparently horrified our mother.  This is how it came about.

When my sister and I were both small (probably from the age of about 3 and 4) my sister was always told that she was "the nice one" and I was always told I was "the smart one".  Now in actual fact and with the benefit of hindsight and maturity I can see that neither of those statements actually means much because both "nice" and "smart" are such vague and subjective terms, but to two small children they made a huge impression.  What our parents did not realise, was that by telling my sister that she was "the nice one", they were also telling me (as far as both my sister and I were concerned) that I was NOT the nice one.  Conversely, by telling me that I was "the smart one", they were also telling my sister that she was NOT the smart one.  We both grew up believing these statements to be true about ourselves with the result that my sister dropped out of high school at her earliest convenience (I think aged 16) and I was forever in all sorts of trouble with any identifiable form of authority which was all the more frustrating for the authority figures because despite it I continued to do well at school.  More to the point, even at age 21, when I first moved into a share arrangement, I warned my new flatmates that I was "difficult to live with" (my grown up and modified version of "I am not nice").  Imagine my shock when they got back to me a few weeks later laughing and saying they couldn't believe I thought that let alone said it!

Neither my sister or I had ever discussed these beliefs until that Christmas meal but we were both adament and clear that we had always had the same unspoken understanding; Melly was the nice but not so smart one, and I was the smart but not so nice one.  My mother was horrified for two reasons.  Firstly, she had probably never intended the implication that came about in reverse for each of us, and secondly, that we were both so clear about these beliefs, that we had made them into fact.

Now the truth is that my sister is sharp as a tack with anything of any interest to her whatsoever, and I am perfectly capable of being nice, but even now 35 years down the track, in challenging times, it can take work not to slip back into such an ingrained belief.

Some common areas for limiting beliefs can be:

• Money (perhaps "rich people made their money by ripping others off")
• Relationships (perhaps "she won't like me if I speak my truth")
• Health (perhaps "I'm not fat I'm just big boned)
• Career (perhaps "all the women in our family have been nurses")
• Spirituality or Religion (depending on what's your thing)
• Personality (as with mine - nice, not nice; smart, not smart)

Think about what your beliefs are.  Where did they come from?  Are they consistent with what you truly believe yourself?  Write them down and identify those which are serving you and helping you to create your life the way you want it and on your terms, and those beliefs which are actually getting in your way (or serving you in a way that meets some need you have but which actually also prevents your success) such as "it's not my fault I'm not nice, I was taught to believe that all my life".  With those that are not serving you, it's time to create a new belief.

The past does not necessarily equal the future and it is through our beliefs that we can change it's course.  One of the best ways to change our limiting beliefs it to undertake a course in self improvement or personal development. This takes time and persistence because it is much harder to change our beliefs as adults than it is to form them as children.  This is important for two reasons, one is that we can recognise and appreciate the work required to "get out of our own way" or learn a new set of beliefs and get our own limiting beliefs out of our way of success as adults but also because as parents it tells us how crucial our role as leader and guide is in influencing the little life entrusted to us.

Please share your experiences, you might be amazed at how many people can benefit from your story!